Infertility
My partner, Kati, and
I discovered some years ago that we would have difficulty having children.
Since then we've been through all kinds of tests, and our treatment has
included clomiphene, IUI, and IVF.
The pain of infertility is difficult to explain
to anyone who hasn't been through it. It's like losing a part of yourself
every month. After a while you become afraid to hope, afraid to feel, afraid
to be happy. You get on with your life, you work, you have friends; but all
the time you're carrying a huge, black rock in your stomach, and there's
a sick feeling in your throat, and a sense of emptiness in your life which
nothing can fill. You watch your friends get pregnant, and their babies arrive,
and you still keep trying, and their second babies arrive, and you start to
realise that you're getting older, and it might never happen, and biological
time is running out.
Some people can be supportiveand that's great. Other people can
just be interested, and ask you how things are, and not run away when you
tell them how it makes you feeland that's great, too. But many infertile
couples will tell you there are times when you meet people who say 'It's
nature's way', or 'What you're going through makes me feel
so grateful that I can have kids', or 'You should try to be positive,
otherwise it won't work'. These kind of attitudes are very unhelpful...
Whether or not you feel you can tell people is a personal decision; but on
the whole we've found it more helpful to talk about our infertility, because
it's so rewarding when you find someone who cares.
If you'd like to see some pictures of the embryos from our IVF cycles,
click here. If
you're suffering from infertility, or you just want to know more, there
are plenty of places on the web where you can go:
Infertility
Stories
My partner's site, dedicated to collecting personal accounts of infertility.
If you have a story to tell, or you just want to read about the impact of
infertility on people's lives, click the link.
INCIID
The most professional and wide-ranging infertility support on the web, with
excellent message boards, loads of information and links, and a great chat
room (so Kati says, anyway).
HFEA
The Human Fertility and Embryology Authority. Whatever you think of them,
it's a good site, and they'll send you detailed information about
clinics in the UK for free.
CHILD
The national infertility support service.
ISSUE
The website of the infertility support group.
In the real world, another consideration is counselling. The issue might cause
friction between you and your partner (it sometimes does with us), but it's
supportive to the person in therapy, and can provide an outlet for all those
unbearable feelings which you and your partner find it difficult to discuss
after so many years.
Persist with your doctor, too. Keep asking for treatment. Keep asking for
tests. You'll probably find that, very soon, your GP knows less than you
doso you have to take charge.
Above all, don't give up hope.